I'm always complaining about how I have to learn things in the hard way unlike my brother, for me if I want something I always have to get it the hard way. He gets everything without efforts and myself, I have to experience tough life all the time, make tough decisions, cry heaps, and have to do it by myself.
All my life I've always wanted to live my brother's life, carefree, safe and just happy. For me, life is always a challenge.
My brother and I are best friends. :) I love him so much. He knows everything about me and I know everything about him as well. We never keep secrets from each other. I can't even count how many times I cried to him and him to me. I miss him more than my mom whenever I'm away. He's my partner in everything.
We really were having a hard time whenever I'm away. I'm always away.
Now I don't know if I'm happy or not.
I'm happy because finally I can move on and let go of my past that have been haunting me. I have learned how to face my fears without the help of anyone. For the second time around, I have learned to smile while having nothing and not getting what I want. And for that, I want to thank a stranger. A stranger who have chatted with me with all my nonsense in life in the beach waiting for the sunset, ate ice cream with me, had jogging with me in the rain, lend me towel, waited jeepney with me, had swim with me with waters ants and who's about to give me borris and norris. Thank you for the memories, I think I have enough now. And I'm sorry tum. And from the bottom of my heart, thank you. For showing me the real deal again. What were you suppose to feel when you love someone, and when you're falling in love. For letting know me that it’s okay if you don't have the life you want to have, because someday, somewhere, you'll be happy, you just have to tell your heart to be happy and you will be. I will miss you. I hope we'll meet again someday.
On the other hand, I caused pain to someone. Someone who knows everything about me. Someone whom became my shield for years. A good friend. Someone who never asked anything in return when the world turned its face against me. Someone who loved me and accepted me knowing he may never really have me. I'm so sorry. I tried my best. I thought when you're safe, you'll eventually be happy, sometimes we have to accept the truth that if misfortune happened to you, you cannot do anything about it but to accept, let go and move on. If you diverted it to something you thought would make everything “right”, you will end up not getting over everything at all. Sometimes there are no remedies. Just reasons why. And we should not think a lot of the reasons, just stay where you are and be a better person everyday. I hope someday you'll understand. I cannot thank you enough. Now I’m ready to face everything because of what we shared for the past two years.
For my payatot hero, I hope someday you'll find the woman worthy of your pure love and sweetness. I will surely miss everything and I will forever wear the ring. Thank you for everything. I know you will be happier with someone else.
And for my taba angel, I want you to know that I love you and I will keep you in my heart from a far, I will watch you fly because you deserve it. Truth is, I want to catch sunrise and sunset with you. I want to catch waves with you. And also waves of life. I want you to stay with me when it’s raining. And I want you to show me where the rainbow is again and again. I want to fly with you. I want to eat my share of banana split with you. I want to introduce you to my family and friends. I want to love you with all my heart. I want to get pissed with you in the traffic. I want to know what life with you is. I want to smoke and you getting mad with it. I want to see you smiling all the time. I want to see you fall down and stand up again, with me. I want to cook for you. I want to sing for you. I want to be happy with you. I want to see you happy with or without me. I want you to succeed in everything. I want you to play in the tram with my kids and call them mates. I want to be with you, you cannot imagine how happy I am when I’m with you. Hay. But I can't. I'm a member of Iglesia ni Cristo, and can't have relationship with non-members. There is no way unless you will truly try to open your heart and mind, and become a member as well. I can never force you, of all people, not you, to do something you don't want to do. My religion is my life and will forever be. I cannot choose between my life and someone/anything in this world. And this is the reason why I let Nico walked out of my life. I've hurt him too. He doesn't know God the way I do. He doesn’t know God at all. But now, we are still bestfriends. See, one way or another sometimes you have to do the right thing, well in this case, the better thing to do. So everyone will be happy or happier :) settle your thing with your ex. Give her happiness just like what you've given me. Let go tum. And you will see how life can be so perfect with imperfect things in it You see, I told you I'm complicated hehe! Now where are the loops and spins? :) I'm the first girl you've met here and there is lots of girls way better than me. You'll be happy :) and I will happy when you are. I want you to remember me always. The silly girl from the beach :)
As for me, maybe now or tomorrow, I will be happy, maybe with someone. And with that someone, I will freely give my heart and love. Without reasons and without hurting. From all the things God have taught me. I will be a better person. I will use the memories to do everything on my own. Every time I will feel sad, I will remember the sacrifices, love, and incomparable friendship. Don't worry about me. Like some stranger have said, 'You'll be right!' :)
I've let it out, maybe now I can do my solo :)
I miss you kuya :'(
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